An amalgamation of random yet interconnected thoughts from my morning run, inspired by Rush’s 2112 title track…
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“And the meek shall inherit the Earth”. ~ 2112 by Rush, lyrics by Neil Peart.
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I grew up Catholic. Well, my mom was Catholic anyhow. I attended plenty of the obligatory midnight mass and Easter services yet that recipe of spirituality, tinged with it’s bitter, artificial flavor of guilt and fear, never stomached well. And so I sought and found a connection to Spirit, to something bigger than me, through pages of poignant poetry and prose and through the generative notes and verital verse of music. From a very young age, music became my gospel, lyrics my scripture, and they moved me in ways reminiscent of the exhortation at a Southern Sunday sermon (can you say “Gospel Tent, Jazz Fest, NOLA?).
“What can this strange device be?
When I touch it, it gives forth a sound
It’s got wires that vibrate, and give music
What can this thing be that I found?
See how it sings like a sad heart
And joyously screams out its pain
Sounds that build high like a mountain
Or notes that fall gently, like rain.”
Church was to be found in chord and crescendo, across bridge and through refrain. From the likes of John Denver (my first live concert around the age of 5) to Neil Diamond (to this day, the loudest concert I’ve ever attended), to UB40 (my first personally chosen concert, mom as chaperone) to Rush, ACDC, Tom Petty, Neil Young, REM, Pearl Jam, Mudhoney, and many more, including more than 100 shows to date, dancing to the band that truly changed my life, Widespread Panic, I have pursued Spirit through music as long as I can remember and recognized it as refuge, as Temple.
The current pandemic has not proven otherwise. One of the greatest treasures has been the number of musicians offering their gifts, live from their living room to mine. Companies like Nugs.TV airing full live shows every night from the Dead, to Moe, to Panic to Anders Osborne and more. It’s nourished my soul and left me crying and laughing at the same time in light of the circumstances, shaking tail feathers. It has filled me up and I’ve been happy to donate to their virtual “tip jars” to help pay their unemployed band members, to feed their families, and in some cases to replace their broken A/C units (much needed in NOLA as Anders went through multiple sweaty tees in one living room “show”). Thank you a million times over to these artists for shining the light of music into the darkness of a 3rd, 4th, 5th and …Sunday night in quarantine.
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There was a study done some years ago to see if the way we thought and felt could influence our physiology, particularly bone density. So, the scientists gathered together a bunch of older gentleman (my teacher lovingly calls this study “Old man camp”) to be the test subjects. These were men dependent on canes and walkers to mobilize, meds to balance their physiology, and showing a significant decline in not just bone density but cognitive function and excitement about life in general. At “old man camp” these men found all the workings of their youth…newspapers from their 20’s, old black and white TV’s playing their favorite shows, radios crooning their favorite tunes, along with the food, decor, and demeanor of a time long gone when they were more able-bodied, vital, and hopeful about life.
“I know it’s most unusual
To come before you so
But I’ve found an ancient miracle
I thought that you should know
Listen to my music
And hear what it can do
There’s something here as strong as life
I know that it will reach you.”
After they spent some time settling in from their time-travel, these men began to awaken in a way they hadn’t since they were youngsters. By the conclusion of the camp experience, many men walked out without the assist of their devices, stood taller, smiled wider, and laughed readily. And to conclude the study, the blood markers showed increases in bone marrow density as well as a number of other positive results. Yes, our minds and mentality can shift not just our mood, but our physiology.
So, why do I tell you this story, you ask? Well, because I’ve been doing my own personal study. Through music. I’ve created and uploaded to my ipod shuffle (yes, this dates me a bit, precisely) a fantastical playlist, designed for the high energy of running, that spans the time of my youth when I felt most unburdened, most inspired by music, most hopeful about life, and most importantly, free. Rush, Bad Religion, Mudhoney, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Zeppelin, Op Ivy, Rancid, Metallica, Ozzy, Lauren Hill, Jerry Joseph, Everlast, and of course Widespread Panic…….the list goes on. And I’ll testify right now, I run faster, farther, with more ease and earnestness and often having to stop just to laugh out loud from the sheer joy of having the past zeitgeist transported to the present moment. I don’t know about my bone density, but I do know my physiology is changed in these moments by the release of lots of internal feel good chemicals. I do know I find Spirit in every bird song, soft breeze, crossed stream, fallen leaf, and labored breath breathed. I do know my heart is filled and my connection to all of life, restored. That’s good medicine. That’s testament.
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While my exposure to the Catholic church left me distasteful of the Jesus story for nearly the entire rest of my life up til now, over the last couple of years my understanding of Jesus has evolved. It has evolved particularly by understanding more clearly what he was actually teaching and how it’s been mixed-up by human meddling. He certainly wasn’t teaching guilt and fear and “power over”. That is a man-made affair designed to contain and control.
“We’ve taken care of everything
The words you read
The songs you sing
The pictures that give pleasure
To your eye
One for all and all for one
Work together
Common sons
Never need to wonder
How or why”
Jesus taught one thing and one thing only. Love. Everyone. Dorothy Day, when asked by a Jesuit priest how to live the gospel, said simply “Stay close to the poor”. Not ‘fix the poor’, or ‘help the poor’, or ‘pity the poor’ or even ‘suffer the poor,’ but ‘stay close to the poor’. When we stay close to a thing, we become intimate and to some extent must open to it. We can hardly be close if we are closed. So, we stay close to the poor. The way I hear this is to stay close, to open ourselves like a vessel waiting to be filled. To listen, hear, understand beyond the cultural constructs. And in our understanding, we connect and begin to see our common humanity. In our deep, heart-ful understanding, we are transformed. There but for the grace of god, go I.
Let me clarify here. We are all poor. Jesus was definitely talking about those at the margins, what we might think of today as the financially-poor, house-poor, mental health-poor, education-poor. But let’s be clear. We are all poor in some way. Fundamentally resource poor; compassion-poor, connection-poor, kindness-poor, generosity-poor, spirit-poor, joy-poor. We are all lacking the wealth of some essential, life-giving resource in some way, beyond the one obvious resource of money. These resources can be generated not by punching a clock, but through the sweat-equity of attention and intention to awaken our hearts and then share that wealth magnanimously.
So, to expound on this “stay close to the poor”, Jesus does not exclude YOU. No one is excluded in the true meaning of these teachings. Stay close to yourself then as well. Open like a vessel waiting to be filled. Listen, hear, understand, awaken. See the connection and our common humanity. There but for the grace of god… And then let yourself be transformed by it.
A great teacher once said “Do not try to change the world, try to love the world. And lo, the world will be forever changed.” Our job is not to change the world, but to love the world, to get close to it. And lo, we will be forever changed.
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So, as I ran through Martis Valley this morning, a beautiful and wide open high-desert expanse in my home town of Truckee, I listened to my ipod shuffle, youth-eliciting playlist. Rush’s 2112, the full 20 minute 33 second title track, came on just minutes into my run and I spent the rest of my journey hitting replay on this epic. We all have our interpretations of music and lyrics and while I could explain Peart & Geddy’s inspiration behind this themed track, I won’t. However, I do suggest a listen after you finish reading this. It may help you make sense of what might seem disjointed and incongruent in this piece.
LISTEN HERE
What it meant for me on this run, and in this moment of pandemic and quarantine, is finding healing and freedom through connection to Source, Spirit, Divine, Elders, the Great Mother, Eachother. And through music of course. I see clearly in my mind and feel deeply in my heart, a new life, a new normal, a new paradigm arising. One that is disabused of the idolization of capitalism and the misunderstood idea of “survival of the fittest”. One that leaves us disenchanted by the rhetoric of the current establishment, the “Priests of Syrinx”, and instead, sends us seeking the elders (look to our indigenous peoples) who “left” this planet to welcome them back with their wisdom, purpose, and wonder that can heal, not the virus, but the real sickness that has overcome our world; our disconnection from what matters, from the heart of every being. That we might once again, get close to the poor, which is all of us in some way. Open, listen, hear, understand, connect, heal.
“I see the works of gifted hands
Grace this strange and wondrous land
I see the hand of man arise
With hungry mind and open eyes.”
Just like in the study of “Old Mans Camp”, I do believe it is possible to regain what was lost, to relearn what was erased, to remember what was forgotten. While I may be disheartened at times, feeling the oppressive push to return back to our anesthetized way of life, I hold hope in my heart and determination at hand to stay the course of change. This is not a dream, a fantasy such as 2112 depicts. Remember this, lest you be gaslighted by the “Federation” as it “assumes control”.
“The sleep is still in my eyes
The dream is still in my head
I heave a sigh, and sadly smile
And lie a while in bed
I wish that it might come to pass
Not fade like all my dreams
Just think of what my life might be
In a world like I have seen.”
Just think of what our lives might be, in this new world that we have seen. If only for a glimpse.
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