Beauty & Terror
These are interesting waters we are navigating and it can be hard to envision the horizon of stable land when we are being pummeled and thrashed about by what seem like never-ending waves. Each day, a new wave arrives different than the one before, so that our feeble attempts to prepare for the next undulation, fall futile against the ocean. We find ourselves oscillating; rising, falling, upside down, round and round, like the damp clothes tumbling just beyond the glass door of a dryer.
As this country begins our “re-entry” into the world outside of our homes, I find myself excited with anticipation and hope, yet disoriented from all the mixed information, discouraged by all the divisiveness, disheartened at the site of faceless humans hidden behind blank masks. Neuroscience shows us the profound positive chemical and emotional effects of smiling, the literal contagiousness of seeing another smiling face due to these amazing little neurons in our brains called “mirror neurons”. Smiling is how we tell each other, “Im okay, you’re ok. We’re safe. We are friendly”. In this new masked world, reminiscent of the faceless beings in Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” and just as haunting, it can be difficult to see the beauty. Without the bright light of another smiling human, literally lighting up our brain and our mood, we can find ourselves wandering mechanically down the now one-way aisles of Safeway, dropping provisions into our cart with the subversive fear-based thought that “Maybe I should buy extra? In case the food runs out?”.
Our brains are designed for two things; efficiency and survival. We instinctively look to take the path of least resistance because it costs us less energy. And we instinctively scan our environment for danger, lest we miss the bit of information that may prove fatal. Our brain is very good at this. However, it can be too “good”, to the point where we can’t think clearly, see clearly, beyond the “me, mine, I” mentality, beyond the “fear thinking” that keeps us locked in our own cage of isolation and separation. It’s called “negativity bias”. Our media understands this clearly. The news channels content are designed around it. Why do you think they aren’t reporting on the thousands of positive things that happen in our world every day? The entire empire of Google and Facebook is built on targeting and capturing YOUR BRAINS most basic level of functioning, which in turn down regulates the more evolved part of your brain that can think critically, be compassionate and make wise choices rather than unskillful reactions. We are being manipulated. Whether we know it or not. Check out the movie “The Creepy Line” for a little taste of just how creepy Google and Facebook really are in controlling what you think, do, believe, see etc.
But this isn’t novel news and I digress. As the Buddha says in all his teachings, “Ehipassiko…Go and see for yourself.”.
What I really want to talk about is something we aren’t normally conditioned to do in our culture necessarily, and our reptilian brains aren’t designed to do but that the evolved part of our brain is very capable of cultivating… that is, to look for that which is beautiful. In Pali, the word is Kalyana and it means uplifting, lovely or beautiful. In the tradition I study, one is encouraged to look for that which is beautiful. This isn’t meant as a “spiritual bypass” to cover over and ignore the difficult, the painful, the suffering that is a natural part of being alive. Beauty also isn’t meant in the consumerist, narrow-viewed, fashion-industry way that our modern culture deems “beautiful”. Kalyana speaks to something much deeper. Kalyana speaks to awakening the heart-mind to something more. This “beautiful” is that which uplifts the spirit, the heart, the mind. It may and will be something different to everyone. For as many different beings as there are in the world, we will find that many versions of kalyana. It may span anything from a majestic view of nature, a poignant poem or bit of prose, a mellifluous melody, a verse from scripture, birdsong, sunlight, the way the moon’s reflection sparkles on a lake rippled by the breeze, the warmth of a smile.
Kalyana, to me, feels paramount during these unparalelled times. It’s all too easy to fall down the dark and confusing rabbit hole of news, politics and social media, and find ourselves stumbling from day to day, like Alice lost in a twisted new Wonderland. Kalyana offers us a lifeline, a tether to something more, the other side of the coin, a reminder of the paradox that is life, a remembrance that this life is mysterious and wondrous. It reminds us that yes, there is sorrow. AND there is joy. That yes, there is loss. AND there is life. That yes, there is disgrace. AND there is reclamation. As the great poet Rilke says, “Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” It’s easy to spot the terror, as I mentioned we are conditioned to this. It’s most important however, that we also see the beauty. Furthermore, it’s ESSENTIAL that we do not feel guilt in doing so. I’ve heard from many people recently, including myself, that the moments of joy we feel through this crisis are often tainted with guilt as we remember how many lives have been destroyed, be it literally through death of the body or through the financial, emotional, spiritual devastation of the pandemic and our nations response. I encourage you to FEEL THAT TOO. Feel the pain, the sorrow, the deep loss and grief that is in the world. Touch it willingly and gently so that your heart quivers and awakens it’s natural instinct to care. And then touch the joy, the beauty, the lovely, the uplifting too. This is our medicine and we all need it in regular doses.
I’d like to share my inspiration for this piece in hope it inspires you in the same way. It came from a florist in New York who has taken it upon himself to uplift his city in an array of “Flower Flash” displays (think “Flash Mob”, but with flowers instead of people) that pop up spontaneously in different locations all over the city. Imagine….As you amble with your pup down the road on Friday afternoon, you may stumble upon a phone booth filled to the brim, spilling a striking display of blooms onto the sidewalk. Your Monday blues shatter colorfully as you happen upon a brilliant band of blossoms bursting from a street side garbage can. A humble brocade of fragrant flowerets awakens you from your walking slumber as you meander past a local park. Brilliant, buoyant, beautifully boasting the undeniable freshness and life-affirming presence of Spring, these “Flower Flashes” point us back to Kalyana, uplifting our hearts. As the young Pablo Neruda says, “You can pick all the flowers, but you can’t stop the Spring”. Take a peek here to see the full displays and story of the “Flower Flash” by Lewis Miller Designs (or visit the website and look at the tab, flower flash: lewismillerdesign.com).
May this be the catalyst for your own search for beauty, your unique celebration of life, your own expression of that which uplifts the heart and lights you up. Here are some tried and true suggestions that uplift the heart;
- Watch a silly comedy and let yourself LAUGH OUT LOUD til your belly hurts and tears run down your face.
- Dance to one of the many free “concerts” offered by dozens of musicians during this pandemic, coming to you “Live from the Living Room”…dance until you’re dizzy with delight and fall down on your own living room floor, breathless (and don’t forget to “tip” if you have the means!).
- Walk your dog, or your cat, or your children and break into bursts of fervent skipping until your calves burn and you’re sure the neighbors have confidently diagnosed you “insane”.
- Sit silently in your yard (or hang your head out the window of your high-rise studio) and listen intently to the sounds of nature, birds, bugs, the breeze, til they fill your head like a symphony.
- Smell the flowers. If there are no flowers, smell the leaves of a tree, a twig of rosemary, a handful of dirt. Remember the earth, her resilience and wisdom.
- Look up at the sky, even if it’s just a sliver between buildings and remember it goes on to INFINITY AND BEYOND!!, just like Buzz Lightyear.
- Read poetry. Write poetry. Play an instrument. Listen to inspirational podcasts.
- Write a love letter. Tell someone you love them. Thank someone for just being themselves.
And most importantly, Smile. Take off your mask and smile. The world needs your beauty right now, more than ever.
May your heart always remember beauty and be uplifted.
XO, Lauri