UN-GRATITUDE
Tis The season to be Jolly! Right? Fa-la-la-la-la-la…blah-blah blah. Right. But what if I don’t FEEL Jolly?!
This is the subject I’ve been exploring personally and in my classes lately. There is a lot of talk at the Holidays and in the yoga world in general about Positivity, Kindness, Joy, Happiness, Love, Light, Grace, Generosity and Gratitude (From here forward, I will refer to these as the FGF’s or Feel Good Feelings). And that is all AWESOME! I’m a fan of cultivating those feelings as much as possible and choosing positivity ofver negativity as often as possible. But, what if I don’t always feel that way? What if, actually, I’m feeling quite un-grateful, un-kind, un-happy, un-gracious, un-loving, un-lightfilled, and un-generous? What then?
That is reality for some folks isn’t it? I can’t be the only one who wakes up sometimes feeling like “The Scrooge” dwelling on his Christmas Past, disenchanted by his Christmas Present and fearful of his Christmas Future? And am I the ONLY one who then beats myself up over NOT feeling all those FGF’s I’m told I should feel? Well, I’ll just posture that I’m not and go on here. And speaking of posturing, that brings me to part of my response.
I’m a firm believer in the “Fake it til you make it” motto. I’ve used it in on many occasions and it works, not always, but often. You know, the old “turn that frown upside down” method until you actually feel like smiling. There is a certain amount of posturing and “going through the motions” one has to do until one can fully embody something. No one starts out an expert at anything. But, there is also a fine line between (pardon my francais) bullshitting oneself and being real. And by being real, I mean actually DOING YOUR WORK. The work in this matter is exploring for tools to help one cultivate those FGF’s. And then, using them.
It’s really important how we behave in the world, toward others and toward ourselves when we are having the FGF’s but, more importantly is how we behave when we ARE NOT. So, what are the tools and work I speak of? I can’t tell you what it is for everyone, or what will be the magic bullet for you but I can tell you what helps when I’m trying to get off my pity-pot (or sometimes my soapbox) and cultivate the illusive FGF’s. They are not dissimilar from the “tools” we use to help us ground, center and find our balance in yoga poses (asanas) and when it comes down to it, they are universal tools you can use for any time you are challenged in life. Check ‘em out. Give ‘em a whirl. See if you can edge out the ‘Ol Scrooge and channel in some Unicorn and Rainbow energy of FGF’s. Good luck and Happy Holidays!
- ACKNOWLEDGE, ACCEPT, EMBRACE, LET GO: This is really important and that’s why it’s first. We ALL have times when we don’t
feel the FGF’s. That’s human. It’s normal. It’s nothing to beat yourself up over. So rather than ignore this fact or try to pretend it’s not true for us, we can recognize it, let it be OKAY, embrace it by letting those feelings move through us and then they lose some of their power and steam, allowing us an easier time to LET THEM GO.
- BREATH & MEDITATION: I like to pair these two together because meditation ON the breath can be a perfect and quick combo to get you to a centered and calm place where you can work on #1. Find some time to sit in silence, sans phone, computer, newspaper, music. 60 seconds is better than no seconds but if you can find 5, 10, 20 minutes, go for it! Close your eyes, sit tall and relaxed, and focus on the simple movement of your breath. In through the nose, out through the nose. Allow the belly, ribs, back and chest to expand three-dimensionally as you inhale, followed by a complete and relaxed exhale. If your mind begins to wander to Scroogey thoughts (or any thoughts), just guide it right back to the inhale and exhale. You can even say “Inhale” and “Exhale” in your mind.
- DRISHTI: This is a Sanskrit word that translates as “gazing point”. It’s one unwavering place in which to focus your gaze that will help you find balance. This is clearly useful when trying not to fall over in a balancing yoga pose. This is also helpful when trying not to fall over into “Ungratitude”. If we can direct our energy and focus on feelings of Happiness (recall images of smiling faces or laughter) Love, (think of a loved one maybe a pet or a partner) Generosity (the last time someone cooked you dinner or bought your coffee) Kindness (maybe a stranger smiled at you or someone paid you a compliment) Abundance (think of all you have…food, water, heat, shelter, friends, work, health, family etc) and Grace (reflect on a deep, divine connection you feel, perhaps to the earth, trees, lakes, perhaps a spiritual or religious concept) then we might begin to feel these deep in our gut or heart, allowing Gratitude to grow from that seed.
- ASANA: (Yoga postures): The act of using our physical bodies in a mindful way, drops us into awareness of the present moment. This is a great way to calm the mind, pacify the intellect, and prepare for #2 & 3. We are physical beings as well as spiritual. If we don’t address our bodies as thoughtfully as our minds, they WILL work against us at some point. Use the body as a gateway drug to the Mind.
- SANGHA: (several meanings but in this I refer to “community”): There is a saying that I remind myself of often and is so very true: “You become what you surround yourself with”. If you surround yourself with a bunch of “Scrooges” or “Negative Nancies”, this will
start to wear off on you. So, if you are trying to generate the FGF’s, put yourself in the presence of others who are doing the same. Draw on their knowledge and experience to help you stay the path. Join in on activities that those kind of folks are participating in. The more you surround yourself with positive, happy, kind, loving people, the easier it will be for you to move in that direction as well.
- SVADHYAYA: (self-study, pronounced Swod-ya-ya): The fact that you are still reading this far means you are probably doing some Svadhyaya. Keep looking at the Self, how you behave in the world, with yourself and with others. When we stop taking the time to look honestly at these things and we allow ourselves to go into auto-pilot, we stop evolving as human beings and spirit. If we keep examining our lives, we can continue to the journey to not just “fake it” or “go through the motions” but to actually Embody those FGF’s. Generous, Grateful and Gracious.
Cheers to you this Holiday Season! And Bah Humbug too!
With Warm Wishes for your Happiness and Health,
Lauri Glenn & Bodhi Therapeutics