BIG CHANGE, BIG FEAR, BIG GRATITUDE
Change is good, right? That’s what I hear anyway. And while I know it to be true, it doesn’t always serve to squash the fear that often accompanies change. I’ve recently (as some of you know well) given up a full time position as a paramedic to commit to massage full time and teaching yoga again after 12 YEARS away. Fire/Ambulance work was a job I’ve invested 7 years in, thousands and thousands of dollars, time, energy, tears, regular sleep deprivation and so much more. It’s also the first full-time, benefited, secure “regular” job I’ve had in my adult life. So giving that up was a HUGE decision. A decision that came with much deliberation, worry, and yes, Fear. It is the right decision for a dozen and more reasons and I’m absolutely THRILLED to be moving forward, doing what I love and am meant to do: massage and teaching yoga to help folks find their healthiest, happiest selves! YAY!!
But that Big Fear was a tough one to manage.
“Without change, there would be no butterflies.”
Fear is simply another emotion, another form of energy, and energy will move, dissipate and eventually transform into something else. It is never lost, only transformed. But transformed into what? And do we have any control over the transformation?
Allowing that energy of Fear to move through you, without fighting or denying it is not only challenging but downright terrifying on it’s own!
What will happen if I let it move through me? Will it kill me? Will I be rendered motionless, like the euphemistic deer? Or will I fall into a depression or sadness or some other form on suffering that I’d rather avoid? Well, I’ve found my own answer to those questions. I’ve found that if I sink into a deep level of Trusting and then let Fear move freely through me, mind, body and spirit, it eventually loses its proverbial terrifying, paralyzing “steam” and begins to soften, release, dissipate and transform.
If I keep trusting and am mindful in observing this movement, breathing into it, accepting it and relinquishing judgement, I find that I can assist that energetic transformation into something wonderful, something deeply satisfying. And that something is Gratitude. Gratitude for this life, this body, the air I breathe, the earth’s support, the food that nourishes. Grateful for the ability to recognize the time for change, to initiate and manifest it then ride it’s waves joyfully as they crest to peak and gather my balance with trust as they plunge to their depths. And the fear does not paralyze. And I do not die. And I am richer for the experience.
“Gratitude turns what we have into Enough”
I will leave you with one last quote which has had a huge impact on my ability to make change in the face of fear, anxiety, worry, and doubt. I have carried a tattered piece of paper with me since I was 13 and on it is the following quote by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.
YOU are genius, power and magic. Live it.
With so much Love Light and good Juju too,
Lauri Glenn & Bodhi Therapeutics